kill the drama.: 11/01/2003

Sunday, November 30, 2003

i went to new jersey on friday night and was bored shitless for 5 hours while i waited for my cousin to come back from xmas shopping @ the mall. so i resorted to watching stupid dvds like scooby-doo and dumb and dumberer (worst movie EVER) with my little overzealous cousins. ohboywhatfun. and their other cousin andrew was over and my god did he get FAT. so i kept making subtle fat references at him. hes huge! sure hes lik 5 feet now, but hes wide as ass and his hair is beginning to engulf his head. its lik, uh, andrew in my grade going 4 months without a haircut. it was horrible. and he eats everything in sight, including chicken skin, french fries...everything. and i tried to hide the massive jar of halloween candy from himbut he found it anyway and finished off half of it. ladies and gentlement, i present to you a perfect example of how americans get fat.
anyhow. i got the sounds CD form my cousin for my bday which thoroughly made my day. it has 3 music videos, extra pix, and all this lovely goodness i nearly cried. skdakfiuasfiua. wow. and the CD is pretty good. its such 80s techno. its great. and on the music video felix is so cool. so cool. hes bouncing around and everything. and i have a hair fetish. like no other. every 2 seconds i was lik 'whoalookathishair!'. my cousin was just lik 'shut up it hair doesnt change everytime u look at him!'. well we dont know that now do we... and just seeing jesper and his keyboard makes me want to melt. i looove you. and ur keyboard. and ur funny little dances.

Fufa33 [12:07 AM]: haha jennie
Fufa33 [12:07 AM]: his synthasizer
JennieE1250 [12:07 AM]: u saw the pix yet?
Fufa33 [12:07 AM]: yah
JennieE1250 [12:08 AM]: lol yes yes
Fufa33 [12:08 AM]: sweetie u need a hobby
JennieE1250 [12:08 AM]: my god i know
JennieE1250 [12:08 AM]: lol but wat else can u do in the suburbs?

lol. FALLOUTBOY TOMORROW! THE EXCITEMENT! AHH!! its going to kick some serious arse.

Thursday, November 27, 2003

46. [Do you believe in love at first sight]: no, you have to get to knwo someone before you can be in love with them, i believe in lust at first sight though

^ my cousins answer which im gonna use in addition to miine.

new link: http://amrfan.com/Sounds1126/
>click on all those that begin with "ja____"

all answers are off the top of my head. and i have a serious mental block.

What song/band/thing.....
Reminds you of an ex-lover: lol i dunno
Reminds you of an ex-friend: tell that mick- fob (haha revenge)
Makes you cry: your star-allamericanrejects (i dunno if it has some other meaning but it makes me think depressing thoughts)
Makes you laugh: anything by hilary duff
Makes you smile: fall out boy/the sounds
You never want to hear again: anything by hilary duff or hanson
Sums up your teenage years: gc? i dunno cuz im not done with them yet.
You want to get married to: jesper or jasonvena. lol.
You like to wake up to: see jesper or jaasonvena. lol wow im such a spazz.
You like out of your parents record collection: simon and garfunkel rock this world! garfunkel and his afro!
You love that you wouldn't know about if it wasn't for a friend: something corporate--necla got me into them
You love the video more than the tune:
Reminds you of your first crush/love: seasons- gc
Reminds you of your now crush/love: hold on- acceptance
Makes you think of sex: haha wouldnt u like to know.
Makes you think of being alone:
Has only been released recently but you love already: ?
Are you embarrassed to admit you like: peter paul and mary
Perks you up: falloutboy
you love to sing to: Fall Out Boy

[Four beverages you drink frequently]
1. milk
2. snapple
3. sprite
4. tea

[Four TV shows you liked when you were a little kid]
1. saved by the bell
2. dark wing duck
3. goof troop
4. growing pains

[Four places to go in your area]
1. loews movie theatre
2. borders
3. school (tho not preferably)
4. starbucks

[Four things to do when you're bored]
1. go online
2. download music
3. post on my journal
4. hang out with friends

[Four things that never fail to cheer you up]
1. Fall Out Boy
2. sleep
3. food
4. other music

[Four things you can't live without]
1. internet
2. music
3. food
4. sleep

[About ten years ago *list three things*]
1. i watched sesame street religiously
2. i was in pre-school
3. i had a crush on a guy named henry who i think had a mullet

[About four years ago *list three things*]
1. i loved stretchy GAP bell bottoms
2. i was four feet tall and chubby
3. i had a crush on a new kid who will remain anonymus

[about one year ago *list three things*]
1. i was suffering through freshman year which was a hell of a lot easier
2. i had a crush on someone who moved away
3. i was a good charlotte freak

[Today...]
1. i have a massive crush on ______.
2. my musical taste has drastically changed
3. im a sophomore and not liking it

[Seven things you love]
1. Fall Out Boy
2. music
3. laughing
4. internet
5. food
6. concerts
7. obsessing (lol or not)

[Seven things you dislike]
1. getting attracted easily
2. being shallow
3. ditzes
4. being hungry
5. nothing to do
6. being woken up
7. ignorant immature cocky shallow assholes

[seven things on your desk]
1. pens
2: my cellphone
3. the new AP
4. CD's
5. drawings
6. cough drops
7. candy

[Seven facts about you]
1. I'm a hopeless romantic tho i don't really like to show it
2. im corny as ass.
3. I enjoy getting mail
4. I hate everyone at one point [of the day] or another
5. I have anger problems/severe mood swings
6. "I may be little, but I can pack a mean punch"- some person...
7. I am sickened by the sight of raw meat.

1. [Spell your name backwards]: refinnej or einnej
2. [Where do you live?]: New York, NY
3. [Describe yourself in three words]: depressing, sarcastic, lazy
4. [Who is your worst enemy?]: you.
5. [If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be?]: a dog
6. [what is the latest you've ever stayed up?]: 7AM at an attempt to pull off an all-nighter
7. [Ever been to belgium?]: no, but Belgian chocolates are good...
8. [what's your favorite coin?]: uh...a quarter
9. [wallet]: black and white one from Daffy's lol. it love it so much.
10. [brush]: some free Estee Lauder one
11. [toothbrush]: clear and blue one
12. [jewelry worn daily]: none...i used to wear a few of those soda-cap sex bracelets but they annoyed me after a few months so i broke them all (and screwed for each one!)(< not)
13. [pillow cover]: white
14. [blanket]: blue
15. [coffee cup]: black mug my mom has
16. [sunglasses]: don't wear them
17. [underwear]: *looks* gray low rise. whoohoo!
18. [shoes]: gray and pink reeboks and black converse (but not the one EVERYONE ELSE has)
19. [handbag]: black shoulder bag with gray strip
20. [favorite top]: all my band shirts
21. [favorite pants]: XOXO jeans and levis
22. [cologne]: uh. sometimes its nice when guys wear it. but dont over do it.
23. [cd in stereo right now]: Acceptance
24. [tattoos]: i want a star tattoo
25. [piercings]: i want some ear piercings
26. [wearing]: sweatpants and a pink tshirt
27. [hair]: straight and down
28. [makeup]: none unless u count lip gloss
29. [in my mouth]: cough drop
30. [in my head]: thoughts
31. [wishing]: my cough would go away
32. [after this]: i gotta shower
33. [talking to]: chatting online with my cousin and cami
34. [eating]: cough drop, and this was asked before
35. [you like candles]: the scented ones
36. [Do you like hot wax]: no
37. [Do you like incense]: not really
38. [Do you like the taste of blood]: no
39. [Fetishes]: i have an arm fetish
40. [If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what reason]: hilary duff
41. [Person you wish you could be with right now]: frogger! well thats on impulse. i wanna snuggle.
42. [What/Who is next to you]: uh. my closet?
43. [What do you want done with your body when you die]: not sure.
44. [Do you believe in love]: yea
45. [Do you believe in soulmates]: yea
46. [Do you believe in love at first sight]: yes tho i havent experienced that. just impulsive crushes.
47. [Do you believe in Heaven]: no
48. [Do you believe in forgiveness]: yea
49. [Do you believe in God]: nope
50. [What's something that you wish people would understand]: dunno. that you dont have to be a slut for guys to like you?
51. [What's something you wish you could understand better]: why girls are whores
52. [What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow]: what?

turkey day!!! wow happiness... i feel like shit tho...it makes sense some how. yesterday i forgot to mention that some people in our grade are anti-turkey (gasp!), but i can see why. turkey doesnt really have much of a taste and thats why we add gravy or even better, CRANBERRY SAUCE [the angels sing]. oooh yes. and some idiots in our grade have never tried sweet potatoes, which is really unheard of. obviously you're not from these parts and should just leave and go elsewhere where theyre boring as you and dont eat them! ha! yeh so my grandpa and aunt are coming again, and my mom and my dad just began preparing tho its lik 5 PM already. and ive been awake for about 2 hours. lol.

yesterday i watched 'never been kissed' and drew barrymore thouroughly annoyed me. her annoying lisp, speechs, over acting, crying every 3 seconds like lana on smallville, etc., etc. and she gets michael vartan! ssahdjsdhibifa. and i realized that i have a dire lack of ahppy endings in my life, something that must be fixed to keep myself sane.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

damnit blogger deleted my original entry. oy. yeah so today was a half day which is highly amusing. i dont think there are many things that are more annoying than tim wong and jon taunting me and james saying were married. actually, there probably are but none good enough to match the annoyance-osity. yeh so blah blah went the rest of the 'day'. i didnt see frogger once and it made me EVER so sad. nora and i went to her house on roosevelt island which i cant stand. the only thing i like there is noras house. i have fallen in love wiht eating promegrate seeds. so yum. watched the princess diaries and it thoroughly annoyed me cuz shes such a dim-witted airhead drama queen with no life. and michael the guy she likes whose also part of the band rooney (yes? no?) is not as cute as i remember. GC on the cover of alternativepress. yay! pissed as arse at dad cuz hes making me work on my day off (friday). why? "jen MUST have time on her hands if she can go to her friends; houses and goes online so much." uhh, dad, its called a life. i love lik 3 or 4 ppl. its mad. well its 3 rite now...but i think a few others are cute but i dont wanna seem shallow so i wont reveal this massive secret. ooh SCANDELOUS!

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

i went to bed at 2:30 AM last nite cuz i was doing my fucking english hw for the bluest eye. argh. all that slaving away...and half the class didn't do it. argh. i was falling asleep thru chinese. it was ridiculous. oh! but during math we had a fire drill! oh the angels sang! sadly, russian-fruitcake didnt; he was all 'damn this class to hell' (no he didnt really say that). [really random, but im listening to the jamisonparker online player and ive heard the same song literally 20 times....] it was great cuz i saw frogger on the stairs and such...hahahaha. freezing outside, tho. like 20 fucking degrees. thank god we all made mad dashes to our lockers for our jackets. uh...mentor was soo much fun! since duttifuck had a class we went to noras homeroom and we chatted about everything from skiing accidents, tap water, to good restaurants. strangely enough, our school was not sweltering hot...it was FUCKING FREEZING. and stupid ppl kept opening up windows. FUCK YOU SHUT THE FUCKING WINDOWS U FUCK MONKEY! yea so i went to the nurse to sleep during dance/gym (haha me dancing...haha) but i couldnt get a bed till like an hour later cuz all the beds were occupied, and that little yannik kid in the wheelchair was again taking up one room for his ass-cleaning procedure. oy. i was so warm and snug when i finally got a bed...but then the woman woke me up and told me to go to class. chem was complete chaos. dear god. jose had no idea wat the fuck he was talking about! it was hilarious, tho. unis un is a waste of my time right now cuz we just sat there while nikandre blabbed away about what not. i have come to establish that whenever a girl is chatting it up with a guy its flirting whether subconciously or conciously. sad, but true. look around and you'll see. "oh its just a platonic relationship!" or "noo we're just friends!" is bullshit. seriously. david cole has DISGUSTING HAIR. its grossly grimy and i cant even look at it. its sick. i liked him better bald. FOB IN 5 DAYS! aiye. i think ive found a new love in one of the two guitarists from slick shoes. his name is johan or something. oh, and fun news for jenny on my lack of gaydar: there have been rumors circulating online that jesper from the sounds is gay. oy. why must all the good ones be gay? not fun. navy rocks.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

i think im allergic to my medicine. one of them anyway, either the antibiotics or the white cough pill thing. after i eat ive been getting horrible cramp-like stomach aches and headaches and really horrible dizzy spells. ew. yea...so i found this great new sounds website with all these lovely pics...hehe jesper...yea and ONE WEEK TILL FALLOUTBOY! AHH! wow gotta calm down about that. and four weeks or so till acceptance. wow this is great. i love how ever since i posted on some hilary duff website how dumb and untalented she is ive been getting hate mail and hate IM's. eg.:

Hab18962 [8:05 PM]: Hilary is way better than u end of story

JennieE1250 [8:05 PM]: shucks.

its sad, really. oh, and also:

bluebutterfly265: u jerk she was nevous it was her first aeards performance at least she is fufilling her dreams i like to see u do that

jenniee1250:yes. headbanging is a sign of nervousness. headbanging to a pop song is unheard of because you cant do it, stupid. and strangely enough, my dream is not to be a retard/bimbo/marketing image like briney spears. :)

actually all this is voerly amusing.
link to go to:
http://the-sounds.4t.com/photo2.html

i feel gross. ew. i saw master commander today (proper title: master and commander of the far side of the world) with russell crowe. sure i did. no im kidding i saw it with jenny cuz martha was doing some model-UN thing for Harvard...i dunno. anyway i loved it. i was incredebly pro-russell and pro-british. we have got to see that movie with duttifuck and laugh in his face wen the french lose the war cuz they suck. lol. i had a crush on calamy ( max benitz, aka friend to the small one armed blonde boy) and i still do. hes got beautiful eyes and awesome hair. even if it was lik 200 years ago. afterwards we walked around union square and went to this costume store and tried to get jennys 'homosexual homicidal priest' costume, complete with (at the end) plastic guns and mega-sized cross. lol. the guns were bright orange with pleather holsters. awesome. they didnt have velvet goldmine at virgin and that made me sad. that movie is priceless. literally, not praising sense. uh..yes...lol rite now this hilary duff lover whose my age and quite cool even if she does lik hilary duff IMed me and im makin her believe i talked to hilary in person...but im also telling her how artificial she is. she seems simple minded. im so psyched out for the FOB concert. wow. havent gotten acecptance tix yet...fretting already...i feel like crap. my skin is dry. wow im using too many periods. dot. dot. dot. dot. i love u frogger/jesper/jasonvena. wow im so sad. im looking forward to TURKEY very much on turkey day on thruday. very much. then im going to jersey! its very rare to find someone so excited to be going to new jersey (the whole state is a suburb to be), i kno. but im excited. eee.

Saturday, November 22, 2003

i went to bed at fucking 3 AM last nite and i was dying during school. DYING. a testament of pathetic my day was is that wen my chinese teacher gave me a chinese bandaid with chinese writing i freaked. "OH MY GOD THATS SO COOL!". it was sad. chinese class made me laugh out loud. the boys were acting like tourette's syndrome-stricken retards. at home i literally passed out on my table cuz i was so tired. i dont remember what happened...i just kinda plopped my head down and woke up 2 hours later. oy.
uhh not much else...i still feel like an airhead, something i refuse to act llike...
im in awe of jesper from the sounds. and of jason vena. how can people be so good looking and so talented? someone made some good choices in the gene pool... maja from the sounds is only lucky person. jesper and felix are like her bitches lol. at least in one picture they do. jesper has very long arms. cuz hes tall and swedish.

my favorite pic EVER: http://www.the-sounds.de/wiz/bigPicture.jsp?id=196363&iswizsite=1

jesper is a party animal. whoohoo!

Thursday, November 20, 2003

i think that this last month of semester one just might kill me. or put me into a state of hysteria. english hw is ridiculous. bio, chem and history curriculums suck. kirshenbaum is too loud and obnoxious for me. duttifuck must die. jose needs english lessons. badly. and im always bored. and spaced out. and pissed off at ppls stupidity tho u kno its probably just me. i find everyone boring. its not that i want to but i feel like im in a constant state of boredom. and people piss me off. like audrey. lol candance and i had trouble listening to her ramble on and on. i dont know how anwar does it. its like some gift or something. i dont spend triple frees with one of my best friends because shes too busy carousing with the Swarm. who are obviously more interesting and fun cuz i hardly see her except for classes. wow: is it me whose boring or is it everything/everyone else. something to ponder as i stare blanky into my notebook. frogger hehehe. fatima and i were chatting at lik 11:30 at nite about jesper from the sounds. i know im just having a whole obsessive bout like i always do. i cant help it. and i like wen im obsessed. 'obsessed'. its defined differently by different ppl. as i chat online with haifa i realize i really AM having a shallow-insensitive-obsessive bout and i really gotta get over it. i kno im pissing ppl off with my '-squeak- jasonvena!' quips. frogger should stay away from those hos that he talks to sometimes...theyll influence him badly and make him lose brain cells. much like i lose brain cells listening to g-unit but thats just getting majorly off topic. i hate guys who are cocky asses. and who are really shallow. guys who respect girls more or who are more willing to listen to them just cuz theyre pretty or cuz they act all silly and stuff suck my bum. argh. PDAs should be banned. im such a backstabber. i suck. im really sad for jon of rufio cuz the reason why they had to cancel their tour was cuz his brother died :'(

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

thank god we chose to have our bio tests graded on a curve. with this, i avoided getting a 2 like i should hav, a got a 5-, which was relatively good considoring everyone else got 5 or below with the exception of abby who got a 7- (83%). oy.
nora and i made an amazing revelation that frogger does in fact, eat. yes, thats right, he eats. but hardly. he had one cookie. "he must be bulimic, then,' nora noted. lol. well i just now stuffed the equivalent of 3 bits of my subway meatball hero into my mouth.
im not a stalker, contrary to popular belief. im more of the admire-from-afar-type, or kinda obsess from afar. hmm. gah we were both wearing navy. lol yesss.
journalism is becoming a huge waste of my time. we spent like an hour working on powerpoint/quark stuff that would take 5 minutes if worrell wasnt trying to make every movement we made dramatic. and everyone was getting really restless.
someone called me and haifa groupies cuz we were cooing over tom from maxeen, who in my opinion is too much of a pretty boy to suit my taste. my ideal guys right now are jasonvena (venna or VEE-na?), jesper anderberg *melts* from the sounds, this one guy from slick shoes, and thats all i can think of now. wow im having a shallow moment now.
o god, depressing: jon from rufio lost a family member, so theyve cancelled the rest of their tourdates with fob/ltj. argh. so were staying for punchline and fob. fatima was really bummed out, too.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

i hate mr duttiloy. mr duttifuck, rather. i hate him with such a passion. dear god. jenny and i both got 4's on our fucking internal-assessment-turned-research-essay while history sweetheart anwar got a 7 and other ppl got 6's. WTF? so jenny and i confronted him (well jenny started out, got it into a huge debate, and we both finished it off). and we were both in tears cuz we got 4's on something we worked so hard on and its 20% of our grade, he was being an ASS (cocky sarcastic type), and cuz he was so intent on being right and cuz he thinks were blockheads. and jenny and i sat there for a while after he sashayed back to the stupid humanities department. it was funny cuz at one point we were both hysterically crying and laughing at nothing/him. lol.
i think the one good thing that came out of that was that after school jenny and i went to the history department to yell at duttifuck some more, i got to see my frogger get dressed. not in the perverted way. see his locker is in that area and he was putting on his coat and stuff and i got to gaze at him lovingly for lik 5 minutes, all while half pretending to listen to jenny. hes so beautiful. really skinny, yes. but hes awesome. his eyes...oh my god...hes so cool i cant take it. its mad.
I GOT MY TICKETS TO GO SEE ACCEPTANCE! JASONVENAJASONVENAJASONVENA. my love. this is awesome:
11.30.03: falloutboy/rufio/less than jason/punchline (maybe)
12.16.03: B-DAY!
12.17.03: LOTR3!! whoohoo!!
12.18.03: ACCEPTANCE! aka jasonvenabliss.

Monday, November 17, 2003

oy so much hw its ridiculous. actually i think im doing way too much for my english assignment. i spend 45 minutes on 5 pages of chapter one of 'the bluest eye'. hmm. i think im thoroughly failing school. math and french anyway. dear god ghoussoub HATES me. H-A-T-E-S. and mr ledenev is too busy strutting and putting up an attitude ('attitude') to really teach. and if u dont get something, hes lik 'well, i cont help u, i just cont.' well fuck u too. wow if my mom found out im almost failing it would kill her. this year just plain SUCKS. too much drama at school amongst the ppl, and too much hw. crackers.

Sunday, November 16, 2003

i feel like a piece of fat/lard. a lazy and tired piece of fat/lard. martha called to see a movie with me and jenny but i was stuck at my dads office. again. argh. and i was really in the mood to see a movie...master commander? matrix reloaded? love actually? eh.
death come quickly to hilary duff. i dont like seeing her face plastered all over the city and online. its majorly irritaiting. oh, and wats also irrititaing is her whole 'look at me im a punkish popstar! im so beautiful and talented!' thing, dear god, child, u belong in the land of britney spears/wannabe slutty limited too world of pink.

does sXe mean straight edge? and what exactly is straight edge?

why shouldnt i refer to a guy as a stallion? stallions are strong males. i realize u refer to horses as this, but can't u also refer to guys as 'strong males'. hmm. i dont love horses.
i slept 16 hours today. not straight thru, tho. i actually woke up at 2 pm, but i stayed in bed cuz i was cold, so naturally and knowing its me were talking about, i fell asleep. i got up again every hour or two until finally physically getting out of bed around 7:30 and watching 16 candles on tv. lol i can't believe my parents let me do this.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

i think im infatuated with that one person. like, seriously. its getting ridiculous. whenever i see the person it makes my day. completely. who is he? nora, necla, and i know him affectionately as frogger. haha. i was going to see the new russell (weird name there...) crowe movie 'master commander of the world' or something, but my cell was stupid and we didnt. see, thats wat me and my friends do... we take so much joy in mocking these actors we're willing to see their movies the first week its out, we have marathons with their movies, and even support their music ambitions buy purchasing their kick-arse music. [burst into an uncontrolable gigglefit] ok ok im done giggling now.
-music right now: damone 'overchay with me'
-temperature right now: FUCKING FREEZING. my room is so cold! my heat isnt kicking in and my toes are freezing! im afraid im getting frostbite but i wont know it cuz im already out cold. haha get it? cold as in brr and cold as in knocked out? get it? huh? yeh? damn nvm. this would be lovely time to have jasonvena or frogger-me-love canoodle with me to keep me warm. [big hopeful smile]

Friday, November 14, 2003

i had so much excess energy today its ridiculous. i swear to god, it just popped out of nowhere. throughout chinese, i was shifting in my chair and tapping my feet at an unsafe speed. then before the math test, i took laps around school (actually i just ran to the fourth floor and came up from the other side) cuz i was ready to explode. my god! i completely failed the test... volleyball was fun, but ppl spent way, waay too much fun acting like airheads every time someone scored. its like team spirit/show off time (whoop whoop.). actually wats soo irritating is when nicolette shows off her oh-so-wonderful-danceshit. stop twirling and sit down. and while ur at it... just go take a nap or something... i dunno.
cami and nora and kirini were screaming sugarcult ('pretty girl') lyrics but i didnt quite feel like screaming along... eh.
the Swarm has boundless perkiness/attention craving/flirting energy its mad.

i want something i cant have.
and its fucking killing me.

funny website called "angry little girls":http://www.angrylittlegirls.com/

Thursday, November 13, 2003

i want something i cant have.
and its fucking killing me.

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

i feel like im in a contant state of BOREDOM. i sat at lunch with people i dont particularly like (aside from nora and anwar), and it was painfully dull until we brought up israel and their damn wall and lucea's 'guest speaker' for RACE whose all 'pro-israel anti-palestine'. always fun to yell about. and i cant fucking stand audrey and her rambling about how much she loves bread! MY GOD JUST EAT YOUR BREAD AND BE HAPPY ABOUT IT AND STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT "SINCE IM FRENCH..." AND ALL FRENCH PEOPLE LOVE BREAD YADDA YADDA YADDA YA!
oh...and one more thing...don't call me dearie. just don't. you sound effing retarded.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

I NEED VICKS OR NIGHTQUILL (whatever its called) NOW. And my room is too fucking cold! I'm eating the really really GOOD milk chocolate haifa got me from switzerland. maybe if i eat enough ill grow a blubber layer to keep myself warm.

people should NEVER joke about suicide. they shouldnt say 'oh..yea...i hate myself...slitting my wrist...but its hard with a small razor.' YOU'RE STUPID. DONT FUCKING JOKE ABOUT THAT. my cousins friend was doing that online and got me fucking scared! god.

i helped nora on our unisverse article and im not getting jackshit. no credit or anything. i fucking wrote down everything the person we interviewed said! i sat thru the ENTIRE UN DAY ASSEMBLY in the DARK writing down notes. dear god! when i asked her if i got credit/if my name would be printed, she gave me this snobby look and said 'well u said to me 'its ur article and i'm just helping you write it, so no.' well fuck u too! isn't this just fabulous?

mmm so fall out boy was on MTV2 yesterday and i didnt get to see it. i watched some odd ep of alias that really wasnt all that relevant. hmm. random tidbit: robert looks like a younger michael vartan. and i have necla to back me up on this (lol).

click here for the funnist thing ive seen in a while:
http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/clowns.htm

and click here for something so idiotic its ridiculous: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1588387

Sunday, November 09, 2003

still coughing. ears have popped. so much for a philosophical entry. im hungry. and pissed that i dont have MTV2 so i can watch my beloved fall out boy expose themselves to the masses.

now both my ears need to pop. i feel like im enclosed some air bubble. like i just got off a plane. i know, i know, theres some deep thinking right there.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

im so sick its ridiculous. i think i just slept 15 hours or something and im still not better. u kno, maybe im not sick and this is just a side effect of boredom (or...people have been going off about how im maldepressive and all...). who knows? frankly i feel like im in some dream sequence, or a fucked up play. and i don't know my lines or what to do next. its maadness. random lyric:
"Do you find security/ knowing you have broken me like pastime?"
my right ear needs to pop.

Friday, November 07, 2003

i don't want to do my Somalia essay re-write for Dutilloy. its not like he'll be able to comprehend half of wat i write. stupid man in our stupid school. by the way, school SUCKS. like no other. i can't stand it anymore! everything is changing. not just little subtle changes, but big changes in the people, in the curriculum, in relationships. its hard to catch up with and adapt to. wow. i can't stress how much i cant stand people. i walk around like some maldepressive little fuck and i know my mood swings are getting out of hand. actually, what really kills me is people trying so unbelieveably hard to get attention/affection from guys. 'oh! look at me! let me act like a delicate little ditz and prance around so that [insert name] will love mee!' no, stupid, don't do that you look dumb. if i were a guy i wouldnt fall for stupidity. when i walk through the halls of school i feel like my head is going to explode from how much scorn and resentment i feel towards these people! for gods sake stop. please. just STOP. let's act like sane and non-desperate people, shall we?

i've seen alot of people make pages like these and they're pretty insightful in what kind of people they are. some of them, anyway. so i decided to make one too, just to rant, cuz thats probably one of the things i do the best. read if u like, i don't care. i won't completely open up but at least now you can kind of know whats going thru my mind.

kill the drama.