kill the drama.

i went shopping for 9 hours and im exhausted from lugging like ten bags around. i got jeans from old navy and i went to paragon to get a ski jacket. i actually two: a red spyder one and a periwinkle (i love that word...say it to urself...) columbia one thats so pretty. but it looks more for snowboarding. more of a reason to try out snowboarding. cool now i can look like a snowboarder. "its such sex"-pete, but not about my coat. i think were going to canada to ski. possibly. or maybe somewhere in the states. but at school were going to frost valley or some place to ski and im quite giddy about it, but nervous to since i thoroughly suck at skiing and am a safety hazard to anyone within 100 feet of me. oog. shopping is one of the most frustrating things EVER because it takes forever to find stuff to fit me. fucking short legs and stuff. die die die.
oh but i got even happier that after i got jeans that fit me cuz my dad got new speakers so now i have punchline blaring without first twiddling with the knobs and attacking the cable :) ah yes/

from falloutboy pete in the journal:

beneath all the hate I have a murderous desire for love

Sometimes when you look back on your first kiss, first big mistake, first time seeing a naked girl, first time you fell asleep next to someone and couldn't wait to wake up and talk to them, first love, first time feeling so fucking lost/found (out)- and no matter how much you want them back but you can't have them (sorry). It doesn't makke them feel any less electric or sting any less each time it happens. And in a year I doubt, in fact I am sure noone will care how shitty some girl treated me, no matter how witty or spiteful or catchy the words that are written about it. Still this moment feels like it goes on forever. Like it has always gone on but I just never payed attention to it (till it smashed me in the face in the form of you). I can write about but words are of poor substitute for the taste of bile on my toungue from the void of words to snap back at the dial tone when you hang up and the inevitable bowing before the porcelain and dying on the tile floor. But enough of the trips down memory lane (the problem is when you can't get off it). Send me some directions I am at the corner of has been and never was. (Note to self: try not to jump around so much on stage or in writing). It's funny how when it feels like I can't breath when I think of you (and him and him and him) so I try to focus on each individual part of the process and simplify it, will myself to work. Synapses fire to nueral transmitters to recievers muscles pull tendons (why am I doing this to myself). And some how my body keeps on going as though it were in on the joke. simplify it to snynapses firing to nueral transmitters to recievers to muscles pulling tendons to my hand dialing your number. I wish I had the courage to tell you I deserved better. But nothing comes easy but these words. Nothing feels worse than this stomachache except when I think of how you tell me about how cola and peppermint calm my stomach lining.... And all your wonderful remedies for the problems you cause. I used to obsess over feeling better. Now I only obsess over you.

its sad and sweet at the same time and really makes you think.

posted by Jennie @ 11:33 PM